Confession time: Over the last couple of months, I’ve seen the scale edge up a few notches. Not enough for a full-blown freak-out, but certainly enough to warrant a “Woah, there, girl! Watch yourself.” To be honest, I can’t blame it on Covid...or maybe I can.

At this point, it’s hard to tell in the midst of one of the craziest years on record. But in any case, my first instinct is to put myself on culinary lockdown and dine exclusively on water and celery for the foreseeable future. 

Okay, so maybe a tiny freak-out.

Funny enough, though, as much as I want to whip myself back into shape, I just can’t seem to do it. Maybe it’s that I am my own worst enemy and I take some kind of sadistic pleasure in watching all my hard work over the last couple of years go slowly down the drain as the scale continues to rise and I regain every bit of the 30-plus pounds I’ve lost.

If you happen to be a child of the ‘80s, picture Atreyu in The Neverending Story, sinking steadily into the Swamp of Sadness, all the while knowing he should fight against the quagmire of despair and the Nothing that threatens to overtake him but being unable to muster the motivation to care. That’s me. Really tragic, yet oddly fascinating at the same time.

And if you’re thinking that I probably need to put down the DVD and walk away slowly, you’re right. 

But in all seriousness (and ‘80s movie references aside), most of us know that the struggle is real. Although I’m tempted to be laser-focused on weight, the truth of the matter is that my relationship to food must be looked at holistically; weight gain is only a manifestation of that relationship.

To get to the root, I must ask myself what are the circumstances and emotions that are informing my food choices, and what benefit am I gaining when I decide to eat cookies for breakfast (even though they’re oatmeal).

Emotional eating is especially prevalent during the holidays. The “most wonderful time of the year” for some ushers in reminders of loss and loneliness for others.

And since we associate food with every life event, it's no surprise that whether we’re filled with joy and contentment or struggling with isolation and sadness, food is the ultimate comfort, though often we don’t realize the extent to which we rely on it. As well, and as the saying goes, you can’t out-exercise a bad diet. So it’s only a matter of time before unfortunate eating makes its way out of the kitchen and onto our love handles. 

So how do we replace emotional eating with strategies that will help us build a healthier relationship to food? Here are a few ideas.

Recognize it 

Keeping a food diary can be a valuable tool in identifying eating habits.

What recurring patterns do you notice? Do you reach for the chips and cookies at the end of the day or late at night? Do you tend to eat more when you’re alone versus when you’re sharing a meal with others? When you have a good day, do you celebrate with food? It's important to determine the circumstances that precipitate recreational eating. 

Identify the underlying feelings and face them head-on 

Once you’re able to recognize patterns, you can seek to understand the motivations behind those routines. Maybe you’re a stress eater, or perhaps it’s discouragement or boredom that drives you.

Something that is invaluable to me is journaling. Since I’m a writer I guess that’s no surprise. But I’ve found that journaling helps me to cut through the noise and more accurately articulate what’s really going on in my head and heart. More specifically, it helps me to identify what’s making me want to find comfort in food.

Maybe journaling isn’t your thing, but if you find that exercise or meditation helps to clear your head and get in touch with emotions — that’s great! The goal is just to figure out the best method of connecting to self.

Plan for temptation 

Now that you’ve identified your emotional triggers, all that’s left is to decide in advance how you will respond the next time you’re tempted to turn to food to deal with troublesome emotions. It may be helpful to ask yourself the following questions:

1. Am I actually hungry? Is my “hunger” specific to a particular meal or flavor (i.e. crunchy, salty, sweet, a Big Mac), or would any food be satisfying right now? Answering these questions honestly could go a long way in helping you to determine the legitimacy of perceived hunger pains.

It should be noted that not eating enough calories during the day will leave us genuinely hungry, particularly at night when we’re no longer distracted or preoccupied with busy daytime activity. While what we eat is important, research shows that when we eat is also significant. Nighttime eating can disrupt our body’s circadian rhythm, not only leading to those calories being stored as fat, but also increasing food cravings. Weight gain, in this case, may not necessarily be a matter of emotional eating or choosing the wrong foods but of timing. So it’s important to be intentional about consuming enough calories during the day.

2. If you determine that what you’re feeling is more of a craving than actual hunger, ask yourself what is the underlying emotion driving your craving. Is there something that you’re avoiding thinking about, feeling, doing? What need are you counting on this food to satisfy? How will it make you feel? 

3. Is there a non-food activity that would give you the same payoff or satisfaction? For example, connecting with your spouse or with friends might allay feelings of loneliness, or perhaps a long walk and a bubble bath is just what the doctor ordered after a stressful day. Brainstorming ways to encourage or serve others will draw you out of boredom, while some time in prayer is the perfect remedy for an overwhelmed soul. Whatever the activity is for you, plan in advance how you will react when those same feelings assail you. 

Many of us would admit that we’re emotional eaters on some level, but thankfully, we don’t have to succumb to the swamps of food sadness. (And no worries -- like Atreyu, your girl made it out!) Being self-aware and intentional empowers us to write our own health outcomes.

The key is recognizing that it's not just about the number on the scale but rather what our eating behaviors can tell us about our emotional wellbeing. And ultimately, by focusing on compassionate self-care and thoughtful planning, we can pull the temptation of emotional eating out by its roots and say hello to better overall health.